Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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