apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
