I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
