you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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