We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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