K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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