you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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