i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
