What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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