I wanna bring you to show and tell
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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