it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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