I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
