So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
