You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
