Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
