The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
