Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
