Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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