u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
