I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
