I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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