I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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