is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
