Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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