I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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