Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
