why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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