Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
