it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
