FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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