Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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