I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
