shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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