what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
