Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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