May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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