I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
