Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
