is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
