You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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