The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
