It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
