YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
