hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
