I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
