I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
