Your face is a jimmy john
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
