And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
