i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
