So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
