Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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