ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
