Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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