I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
