my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
